Just a vent

SO this post has nothing related to secondlife or virtual world things. I just wanted to vent somewhere RL isn’t involved. I’m not looking for responses, pats on the back, negativity, other stories. I literally am just venting and I am so awkward with socializing online I can 100% let you know I wont respond to any comments. Not in a mean rude way but in a…idk how to even slightly be social with online people way! Just a little disclaimer if you comment or something and get no response from me, that is why.

OK onto the venting!



I was at work today, we were doing some volunteering with some kids for music and I noticed this boy tugging, flicking, blowing this girls hair sitting next to him. I watched for a bit as she asked him nicely to please stop, then was more firm and said stop, you’re bothering me and then he tugged her hair and she said stop, that hurts, why are you still bothering me. That’ when I stepped in and said to him…please leave her alone as she has asked you to stop multiple times politely and firmly. He laughed at me as his mother who was there walked up and said to me and the entirety of the class that I am being dramatic and “Boys will be boys”. I literally almost vomited in my own mouth from her disgusting words. I know she could see it on my face as she rolled her eyes at me.  I took a breath, gathered my thoughts as fast as I could and asked if I could talk to her in private. She very loudly said no if you have something to say to me say it here in front of everyone. Little did she know I was just being polite to try to save face for her but sure lady, I’ll say it here!

I don’t understand how you can say “boys will be boys” without realizing the disservice you are doing to your own child let alone the rest of the people your child will come in contact with for the rest of his life. I’m not here to tell you how to raise your child or the best way to do anything but I know with my son I want him to know consequences of his actions, both for himself and others. I taught him what consent means and how to respect every human and animal he comes in contact with regardless of social status, gender, race etc. It baffles me that in 2018 you can sit here and still think this is ok while you hold onto your younger female childs hand knowing someone could be saying the same thing to their child elsewhere in the world…”boys will be boys” and this person could potentially come in contact with your daughter and have that same mentality you’re teaching your son, that boundaries don’t matter, consent doesn’t matter, the other persons feelings don’t matter because …”boys will be boys”. I hope for the future of your daughter and all other daughters that I am “just being dramatic”.

She just gave me a dirty look and took her two kids and left. The room stayed silent for what seemed a long time lol but wasnt so I figured why stop there …. let me unleash some of my childhood trauma that still affects me today! lol I asked if it was ok to speak about some things and was given permission, shockingly, so I am going to continue my venting but not at anyone in particular like above.

When I was in elementary school, I had just moved to TN from Louisiana and so I “talked funny” to the kids there. I am adopted. I am Native American, Puerto Rican and Sicilian so I have olive skin which as a young child I had super deep skin tone, very tan compared to my caucasian parents. I was put into a very strict catholic school with all caucasian students and staff. Which was fine…to me. Almost immediately I was called the N-word. I was called little brown girl. Boys and girls shoved me around, called me horrible names, spit on me. One incident that still sits with me is one day at recess they finally were kind of being nice to me. They let me get on the merry go round with them! I was thrilled! Then one girl said eww get her off of here, her kind is dirty get her off of here now! I was embarrassed so I started to get off the merry go round then I feel someone grab my ankle and someone else push me from behind. I fell head first off the mary go round hitting my chin on the gravel below. I look behind me to see 2 boys holding my ankles laughing and then one yell GO GO GO! I scrambled to get my feet away or get my chin and face away from the gravel below me. I failed.  I felt the merry go round get faster and faster as my chin dragged violently across the gravel. This went on for at least 2 minutes before a nun came over and stopped it by grabbing me off the ride dragging me to the principles office scolding me. While the nurse picked gravel and dirt out of the hole in my chin, I was scolded for not being social enough. I was told they were just mean to me because they liked me. The boys liked me soooo much they hurt me emotionally and physically. The girls liked me sooo much the verbal assaults were from jealousy of how much they wanted to be my friend and they liked me. It was my fault for not realizing this.

Cut to 30 yrs later, 10 or 20 abusive relationships with men and random friends later…

It doesn’t go away. The trauma of things when you’re younger. Don’t.Go.Away. I am an adult now. I have an amazing man in my life who puts up with so much from me. I’m still so conflicted with things from that far back that it fully affects everyday life. I question all the time if this man really loves me because unlike my past relationships he doesn’t verbally abuse me, physically harm me or put me down to raise himself up. So he can’t truly love me right? My heart says he does but im programmed to think otherwise. Why!? Why am I like this. I am like this because someone said to me… ‘boys will be boys” Boys are mean to you and hit you because they like you, they have a crush on you. Girls are mean to you because they want to be your friend and they like you.

Dont hurt the future of your childs happiness because you don’t want to teach them decency. Dont let them think these things are ok. None of this is ok. I am scarred emotionally from this. Not just the large scar on my chin from that day on the merry go round. That trauma is still there because nobody told me that behaviour was not ok. So speak the fuck up. Dont raise a sociopath, abusers, rapists.

Vent over! I hope this isn’t taken negatively but I also don’t care if it is. I stand by what I say 100%. Dont do a disservice to your children. Be kind to each other. Sorry this isn’t a secondlife post but I just had to get this out today. Love you Peoples and will have lighter sl related stuff later tonight or tomorrow. Thank you for reading this. Have an amazing day and again… Be kind and mindful to each other! ❤



4 thoughts on “Just a vent

    1. I am baffled that this is what you are taking away from what I wrote. I most definitely would have reacted the same way. It would have obviously played out differently as the focus of what I wrote was on the phrase “ boys will be boys “ and if it were switched it would have been different since that phrase wouldn’t have been used. I care about how all youth are being brought up as should you since they will be the ones running everything when we are old. Common decency has no gender. I hope your children never encounter a person raised this way be it a boy or girl.

  1. Eva Knoller

    I know this is an old post, but I don’t want that other comment to be the only one. I am truly sorry about what you experienced as a child and beyond. I too am trying to raise my son to have respect, and about the impotrance of consent. Even though you may not have reached the eye-rolly mom with your words, you gave those nearby something to think about. And that’s a win in my book.

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